Nonaddictive Personality

The other day I began listening to a new band recently introduced to me. I enjoyed the music and can honestly say I like the music. I remember thinking that maybe I will get into this band, follow up with it, see what else they have to offer, perhaps even go to a concert. A flash crossed over my eyes as I saw myself collecting odd, rare band memorabilia and then, lastly, joining an online message board which talks about nothing but said band (all others are properly flagged, blocked and banned).

The thought was shattered by the fact that in my heart of hearts I know that I will not follow up with this band because that's just not what I do. Getting into something to such a level is a lot of work and commitment. It means sacrificing your time to all your other half-assed hobbies, making them seem even more random. It means tailoring your interactions with others in such a way that every conversation must somehow end up about whatever it is you've decided to "be all about." This takes time, effort and creativity, not to mention the risk of becoming completely irritating to all those that will inevitably, whether they want to or not, hear about it.

Above is a good formulation and reasoning as to why not to get into anything. Anyone out there reading this is free to use it. Be warned however. May I never catch you using this philosophy alone in and of itself, effectively becoming that person who is all about not being all about anything.

This is not my reason for not being into anything. I have friends that would describe their personality as "addictive." When they get into something, they get into it. Smoking means chain smoking, downloading illegal music means buying a 200 gig drive and becoming the tech version of a hunter-gatherer seeking out any and all mp3 wherever they may be found and then sharing them to all the world. Liking a writer means reading everything they wrote, including that unfinished stuff often found floating around on the web, not to mention buying a few old 5th grade papers of theirs off Ebay.

I have found that I seem to be the opposite of this. I may not even finish that book that I just couldn't put down and I find message boards about most subjects to be speculative at best and ultimately, like any comic book series, never ending. Day to day this can be a bit of a challenge. Where the addictive personality continually finds themselves trying to break them self of the latest vice, I'm too lazy to make the ride down to the beach on a beautiful evening to play Frisbee, a game I love (if I can say that about anything I engage in). It may be that it's a lot of effort and I'm selfish with my energy or that I just abhor change so so much that I even find it hard to move from a boring situation into a more entertaining environment and activity.

This becomes a real obstacle when I attempt to engage in something, say, like school. I like to learn, but it's not addictive. I'm going strong presently in the program I've enrolled in, but those dastardly thought do make their way into my mind from time to time. Usually I'm able to ward them off with simple excuses saying I'm tired or hungry (things that often happen while in school to begin with) and should not be contemplating my future endeavor in said subject at such a time and place. Ironically, maybe this very problem actually means that I'm more addictive than I originally thought and I just have a harder time remembering my love or devotion to something when distracted by another (like exhaustion for instance).

However, if this does end up being some odd form of an addictive personality, it's definitely that flaky, here then gone, high then low, shouldn't be offered any, can't hold their own type.