On All the Time

I think I have decided that though I love to watch comedians, I simply can't stand working or living with them (note: my wife is not a comedian, I further do not consider myself one either so I don't want any strange "do you hate your home life" looks the next time I see you). There is just a context; a time and place for being "on." The rest of the time please remain "off." I don't need some witty comment every time a siren goes off, please don't make puns out of what I say in day to day business and one liners are to be confined to books that get lost in public library main stacks. Unless you are standing behind a mic, under a spot-light remove all frills from your sentence structure. A rant is okay now and then, but that's because rants, if done well, usually create a gravity all their own formulating a temporary, appropriate "comedic" context at which time the aforementioned restrictions are suspended and those surrounding said ranter will appreciate the tension breaker. This is especially true when the given rant is directly in response to its present situation and it is commenting on some present context. Passers-by are even more prone to enjoy this "comedic" interlude as they are most likely part of the situation and have a personal investment in the joke at hand.

If you're walking by me and think of a one-liner that you feel would just be a sin to waste, say it into a paper bag and give it to me for later. While you're at it, please include some form of food in that paper bag, apples are good, Fuji Apples.

Charity

Sometimes I'm afraid to give to charity for the same reasons I'm afraid to give money to a person begging on the street. No, not because I can't trust that they'll use the money how they're telling me they will, but rather, once you give to them, acknowledge them, they get all excited and suck you in. In giving to a beggar, this finds you four hours later in an all night cafe listening to them go on about everything (only pieces of which are true and you'll never know what pieces at that). They think if they keep talking you'll keep giving.

I get mail from charitys asking for donations for whatever. I'm reluctant to give for the same reasons. Months down the road from donating a little something my mailbox is full of junk mail from both the charity and those the charity sold my address information to. I guess they think if they send twice as much mail the next year, I'll contribute twice as much. I try to not over analyze how much of each dollar I give goes to actually helping the charity's cause, but it becomes hard not to wonder as I look at the pile of junk mail, if my money simply went to buying more mailing supply, which has now made it back to me. Too bad investments don't run so smooth. Invest in one that tells his investment friends who all decide to throw dividends your way.